The commercial for the new video game for The Beatles…the CGI is a BIT wonky in places, but I’m NOT complaining.

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Thank you Miracle Whip, for providing me with my biggest no-brainer entry since I started blogging.

In their latest commercial, Miracle Whip manages to embarrass, entertain and absolutely confound me with their approach to selling product. I will let the spot speak for itself (forgive the lack of sync with audio and video):

We will not be quiet.
We will not try to blend in…disappear in the background…play second fiddle
When we’re in a sandwich, a salad, a panini or crostini….you’ll know it.
We’re not like the others…we won’t ever try to be.

We are not like the others. We dance in unfilled kiddy pools…convinced yet?

We are our own mixed up blend of of one-of-a-kind spices
We are Miracle Whip
and we will not tone it down.

The moment I saw this spot I, of course, began to laugh hysterically at how ridiculous the premise of tying in Miracle Whip with rebellious youth is. I was then reminded of this routine by a favorite of mine, David Cross.

It seems as though Miracle Whip’s agency followed David’s checklist for making a terrible, cliche and completely irrelevant commercial - point by point.

Just look at this still from the commercial…

Clearly there is no better way to express your refusal to be a part of the background, no better outlet to say to the world - ‘I am a unique individual,’ no more singular method of pronouncing the fact that you will NOT BE QUIETED OR EVER, EVER BE TOLD TO TONE IT DOWN…than by buying Miracle Whip…and putting it on a panini and/or crostini.

What is the goal here? Do they really think that the 20-something hipsters in the commercials will become their new market? Are college kids going to begin stocking their cabinets with Miracle Whip because it’s the ‘egg for their generation?’

I don’t even notice any major repackaging. It’s the same old boring Miracle Whip packaging that everyone knows to avoid, yet there has been a significant (read: utterly pitiful attempt at) rebranding. What gives?

My God….what a total an utter embarrassment to themselves and the advertising community. Guys, you are making it waaayy too easy for me.

This post is a curmudgeonly continuation of this one from @TremendousNews. I just had to get in on the fun…

So here we have, seven MORE types of profile images on Twitter.

1) The ‘Glamour shot’


Look at her. Her posture - confident and bold. Her eyes - challenging the camera. Her pink suede blazer and blouse - dangerously unbuttoned. You had better follow her, or she will change to her baby blue blazer and MAKE you follow her.

2) The ‘Sunglasses Pic’, AKA, ‘Just because I partake in Social Media does not mean you deserve to see my eyes’

This one is a mystery to me. Unless it is absolutely the best picture of yourself you have access to, you should never use the sunglasses pic for any profile. I find it hard to trust people in these types of pics. If they are hiding their eyes, they are probably also hiding other, more devious secrets.

3) The ‘Hand on Face’ Pic

It’s a classic. From yearbook photos to headshots, the hand on face pic has earned its place in history. If you do not immediately follow all the people you see striking this classic pose, they will begin to peer in your windows, hands on face, demanding a reason.

4) The “I have Photoshop but I haven’t quite mastered it’ Pic

Applying random Photoshop filters does not equal artistry. Look at your end result, people. You look more like mutated radiation victims than interesting professionals. Here’s a tip: Imagine what you want the end result to look like, and work toward it. I mean, there’s just no way that @mnassal followed that procedure for his pic…unless he wanted to look like he was painted by a 7-year-old on acid.

5) The ‘Rotated’ Pic

My normal picture? BORING. My rotated picture? Profile worthy.

Is there any better way to express your singular personality and quirkiness than the rotated pic? Yeah. There is. But, none are as easy as el Rotato.

6) The ‘No Look’ Pic

Yes, you may look upon my face. No, I will not return your gaze.

7) The ‘Black and White = Artistic’ Pic

How do you take a boring picture and turn it into a profile pic worthy of accolades? You turn it black and white, that’s how. Like every teenage girl with her first camera taking pictures of her feet in black and white and hanging them (crookedly) on her wall, you are officially an artist when you remove color from a picture. INSTANT gravitas.

Thanks to @Tremendous news for the inspirado!

A lot of the talk surrounding Social Media has involved the asking of questions, namely: How can we (as corporations or individuals) leverage Social Media into financial gain?
Heck, there are hundreds/thousands/millions of opportunistic scammers out there offering Twitter follow schemes, ‘magic traffic driving solutions,’ and every other worn out get-rich-quick trick known to man. It seems only natural that legitimate entities would chase those same dollars.

Taking a simple approach are a couple of companies who, rather than actually use Social Networking (more to follow), simply namedrop it in their recent campaigns.

First off, Patron:

SOCIAL NETWORKING

The ad is clever and, even though I have never had any Patron, I decided to click through their website. The site has a pretty fun concept that delivers on the social aspect of the product and the ad. Still, upon navigating the site (and then searching Google and Twitter), I was unable to find any actual Social Media presence for Patron.

Next up, Coleman:

The ORIGINAL Social Networking Site
The ad uses an almost identical tagline as the Patron ad, but the product could not be more different. Again, I like the ad and clicked through to the website.

Unfortunately, the Coleman website reveals a less than an enthusiastic embrace of Social Media as well. Here is a look at their landing page:

Under the START NETWORKING tab there is a link to Facebook. Just Facebook. That’s it. No Twitter, no YouTube, no Myspace…just Facebook (and some awkwardly placed AddThis buttons).

They seem to be more interested in helping Coleman users - and campers in general - to network under the banner of the Coleman brand via FB.

Both ads leverage the current buzz surrounding Social Networking, but neither company bothers to actually deliver some real substance in that area. My issue here is that a presence, ANY presence in Social Media is better than none. Are you telling me that neither Patron nor Coleman has somebody that can man a Twitter account? It could be as simple as this:

Patron: Tweet about promotions you are having, events you are sponsoring and any internal news of relevance. Also tweet about Patron in the news and RT product testimonials. It’s something, and that’s always better than nothing.

Coleman: Much the same as Patron. Add tweets about people who survived being lost in the woods due to the help of Coleman equipment. Connect with Coleman users directly and build relationships. Help create evangelists. Why rely SOLELY on Facebook?

While I do like both ads, I wish the companies went that extra step and delivered some actual Social Networking rather than just using the terms. Coleman takes a step in that direction, but it’s really just a baby step.

Guys, if the terms are worth namedropping, surely they are worth using!

Your thoughts?

Angels & Demons & Point Guards…..oh my.

In what is by far the oddest example of a cross-promotion mash-up I have ever seen, this spot is running during the NBA playoffs this week.

First off, very well edited. You can tell they hired a pro and allocated a decent budget for this one. Also, it actually shows some creativity. Technically I have no complaints and I am almost impressed.

Of course, I do have some issues.

First - I can only wonder what it must have felt like for the people of different religions and belief systems to have this particular movie injected into the game. I’m not even religious and it still made me a bit uncomfortable.

Second - I do understand that the NBA playoff ratings are decent and, numbers wise, it makes sense to advertise the movie during the biggest television events of the moment (it’s also being advertised during American Idol). It’s just such a forced pairing. I mean, could the two entities have any less in common?

Third - As much as I like the spot, I think it trivializes the movie. It’s hard to get on board with the the film’s pathos appeal when my world saving hero is equated with men putting a ball through a hoop.

I could go on, but I will close by saying that despite my complaints, I just can’t help but approve of the spot. It does more right than it does wrong and it might actually be effective at attracting an alternate demographic. Good stuff!

Let’s take a curmudgeonly look at some recent commercials with a critical eye towards the actors and the ‘creatives’ behind them.

First off…Why do so many actors in commercials today behave like they’re on drugs?

It seems that in almost every commercial I see lately, the actors are very sedated…almost completely out of touch with reality.

Here is an example:

What the heck are these diner employees smoking? WAKE UP PEOPLE. Even the diner patron is pretty sleepy looking. What do these behaviors contribute to the spot?
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Another one that bothers me a bit is the new one from Verizon, You have probably seen it:

Dad: So this *pours a huge jar of sprinkles on his ice cream* represents the millions of people that we can call with our family plan?

Verizon guy: Yes.

Clerk: Do you want whipped cream with that?

Both the Dad and the kid at the counter seem like they are on all kinds of behavior altering substances. It’s not believable and it’s not related to the product - it’s just an attention grab. The earlier Verizon ads featured normal people meeting wacky characters in the ‘dead zones.’ Now everyone is crazy and the ad has almost zero relevance because of it.
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And more, this time from Chunky Soup:

Besides being a brutal rip-off of the SNL skit McGruber, this ad has absolutely NOTHING to do with soup.  Are you telling me this guy is sober? Who relates to/connects with this ad?
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These few ads are illustrative of a very disturbing trend in advertising these days. There is no longer any attempt to truly connect with the audience. These brands - Verizon, Campbell’s, Prilosec - are not the types of brands you associate with this kind of irreverent humor. Why are they straying so far off message and attempting to entertain rather than connect?

Here’s what I want:

I want commercials to stop trying so hard. We are remembering the zany antics of your ads, NOT your products. I understand the need to tell a story and make your spot stand out, but you can do it with a sense of normalcy that we can actually relate to and connect with…can’t you?

I want to see the research that led the Campbell’s people to make that extreme kayaking ad…Really. Please show it to me. What? You smoked the research? ALL of it? Is that even possible?

I want commercial actors to get some energy. I know that many companies view their customers as hordes of mindless drones, but they don’t need to portray us that way in their ads.

I want to bring sincerity back. A commercial does not need to be over the top to be effective. When is the last time you saw people in a commercial acting anything like people in reality? Let’s come back down to Earth and take a break from the Twilight Zone.

I want originality. Don’t just take an existing concept and modify it, think of something new. That’s why we call the people that makes ads ‘creatives’ and not ‘modifiers.’

‘Sex sells’ was the mantra of advertising in the 90s. For this decade it’s been stupidity, cruelty, pain and altered reality. Those things don’t sell me, they just make me lean towards the competition.

This is a duplicate entry of a blog I contributed to www.MyTwitterExperiment.com. Read it there, or below.

A lot of people who join Twitter follow this 3 step pattern:

1) Begin following people and hope that somehow people will begin following them

2) Realize that Twitter is not the equivalent to the holy grail or an uncashed lottery ticket

3) Not only cease using the service, but become vocal detractors of it

The problem is that many people simply don’t get Twitter or understand the elegant simplicity of it. Twitter, more than most social media outlets, really does give back what you put in. With that in mind, I have put together this guide:

5 ways to use Twitter - What to talk about, how to talk about it, and who to talk about it with.

1) Use Twitter to try to make yourself some money - There are several services available that, with minimal investment, will generate you tens of thousand of followers. These followers then receive every message you send down the TwitStream. If you send out some links to say, your blog, and your blog has ad content on it…that’s money generated for you. In my case, my blog does not have any ads. Still, my whole blog is an advertisement, it advertises me - my thoughts, in my words on my site. Many things may come of this traffic, including: guest columns on sites like this one, more eyes on your words, paying gigs writing for publications, even full-time job offers.

Still, we have only scratched the surface.

Maybe you have a new item on ebay? Tweet it.

Are you available to do some freelance work, to take part in a speaking engagement, to offer any of your services to your followers? Tweet it.

Do you have a clever idea for a Twitter related site? Use Twitter to get in touch with people who have similar aspirations and make it happen. The only limitations are your imagination and energy investment.

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2) Use Twitter to seek out information - Many people prefer to query the Twitterverse than to query Google. The answers tend to come very quickly and, if you’re following the right people, very accurately. Have a problem you can’t seem to solve? Need some insight? Ask a Follower.

You can also accumulate information in a more passive manner. I have learned so much about my field (advertising/marketing) simply by reading the blog posts and links that are posted by the people I follow. The information is timely, current and comes from people in the industry. That kind of information exchange was unimaginable just a few years ago, but is now being fed to my computer in real-time….for free.

3) Use Twitter to connect with people and build relationships (network) - Some people prefer to use Twitter in a more strictly social manner. They don’t really care to use Twitter to generate money and they don’t have an interest in using it as a learning tool - they just want to network.

Perfect.

One of the things you can do is make a list of people who matter to you. Identify thought leaders in your industry, identify people who are in positions you would like to be in or positions similar to yours, and identify people you respect. Find them on Twitter and follow them. If they have a blog, comment on it. If they make a good Tweet, ReTweet it. If you have something to say to them, say it. Pick their brains, learn from them: build a relationship.
This is a fabulous way to use Twitter and it could not be easier to execute. Check out the advanced Twitter search. Enter the relevant keywords and you will be rewarded with thousands of people who have either used those keywords or feature them in their profile.

You can use a site like NearbyTweets to find people using Twitter right down the street from you.

Again, the only limiting factor is the amount of energy you are willing to put in.

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4) Use Twitter to find like-minded people - I, like many of you reading, have very particular tastes. I like The Beatles but not The Rolling Stones. I like dogs but not cats. I like beer but not wine.

The great thing about Twitter is that it is so easy to find people who share your interests. Whatever your hobby may be, there are people who are passionate about it and who are sharing that passion on Twitter. Whether it’s politics, religion or heated discussions on Jagger/Richards vs. Lennon/McCartney, you can easily get connected with like-minded people on Twitter.

Remember that you are in complete control of who you follow and who follows you. You can finely hone your Twitstream until it is an efficient delivery system of only the information you care about. If someone consistently posts things you don’t like, just unfollow them and they’ll go away forever. It’s that easy.

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5) Use Twitter for all of the above - There is no need to limit yourself as far as your Twitter usage. If you are uncomfortable mixing your passion for Star Trek in with your day job of running a small business, just use two separate Twitter accounts. If you feel comfortable using Twitter as a money making service, a free education, a simple way to network, and as a portal for discussing your life’s passions then by all means DO IT!

Maybe you have even more ways to use Twitter. If so, please leave a comment about it below and share with the rest of us, because if there is one thing that Twitter teaches me on a daily basis, it’s that I have a lot to learn.

The first site up: Qwitter.

A simple service, Qwitter shoots you an email when someone stops following you and accompanies that email with the last Tweet of yours that person received.

I signed up to Qwitter about a week ago. Since then I have checked my follower count often, keeping abreast of any of my ‘quitters.’ A couple came and went, but it’s impossible to know if they may have been spammers who had their account closed and, if so, whether or not Qwitter counted those kinds of losses.

Not to worry.

After a particularly curmudgeonly exchange with a rather unimaginative Tweeter, I lost myself a follower or two. Qwitter promptly e-mailed me to noti…No, no they didn’t. Despite having several confirmed quitters, I still have not received any notices from Qwitter. A trusted colleague shared a similar experience, having signed up over 2 weeks ago without a whisper from Qwitter.

If the service is overloaded, that’s more than acceptable. Twitter has enjoyed geometric growth this year and it can be difficult for a service like Qwitter to keep up - not even Twitter can.

My issue is that the front page of Qwitter mentions nothing of any troubles with service and they never communicated with me. They just continue to accept new sign-ups, likely earning some kind of revenue (several small ads/brands are present on the site), all the while providing absolutely zero in the way of service.

I do like the little crying bird/man on the front page.

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Twittermass.com - then there’s these two guys:

GET 20,000 FOLLOWERS IN 2 WEEKS!!

As many of you may have seen, these guys have another one of the keyword based auto follow schemes. Here’s how it works:

1) Give these two fellows your money.

2) Their nifty little program will auto follow people for you based on specific keywords you pick. People use the keyword, they get followed by you.

3) Hope those people follow you back.

4) Send out Tweets in the hopes that 2% of your followers will click through the links (their stated goal).

5) Reap the monetary rewards these click-throughs generate you.

The two gentlemen demonstrate the potential of these monetary rewards by donning a Hawaiian Lei and making some scary bug eyed expressions.

Hey Guys. Lemme let you in on something: If you want us to believe your system works, dress like successful and professional adults, get some decent quality sound/video, and get off your couch. Your presentation is abysmal and your scam is unoriginal and being offered for free by a dozen other sites.

And then there’s Magpie

MagPie is essentially doing the same shtick as the Two Stooges up there. The rub is that they are using a “sophisticated matching algorithm” when they auto follow people for you. Here is a special sneak peek at that algorithm:

-IF KEYWORD IS USED=follow>
-IF KEYWORD IS NOT USED=nofollow>

Here is a real life example of how brilliant that algorithm is.

Yesterday I made this Tweet about how I don’t drink coffee:

A few hours later, undoubtedly thanks to the months of R&D spent honing the algorithm, a user called @CoffeeZen began following me. I paid CoffeeZen’s website a visit. It is a stunningly accurate representation of the cutting edge website of 1995. Still, this user follows 7,500 people with nearly 7,000 following back. I exchanged a DM with the account owner. He confirmed that he is, in fact, a magpie customer. Thanks for the algorithm, Magpie! Targeted advertising at it’s best!

I do like the Be-a-Magpie video pitch on the front page. It’s cute and it works.

Some rhetorical questions:

What good is traffic without content?

How can you justify charging for a service that is available for free elsewhere, when you have no product differentiation?

Why bother to create a video presentation if it only devalues your brand (looking at you TwitterMass)?

Why doesn’t Twitter offer any of these services on a premium basis?

Why did that kid not take the lei off?

Let’s take a decidedly unCurmudgeonly look at some of my favorite Twitter related sites (subject to change with zero notice):

1)

Visibletweets.com - A beautifully made site that allows you to search any keyword, then get rewarded with lovely animations in your choice of 3 types: letter by letter, tag cloud, or rotation. All are soothing and interesting to look at, but I love the cloud because it shows how the words in each Tweet trend vs each other. My only complaint is the user names of the Tweeters are not clickable.

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2)


Twittearth.com - Another beautiful site, this one shows a nicely constructed 3-d earth and displays random, real-time tweets from around the globe. Again, the user names are not clickable, but the posted links are. Leave it on for a while to watch the Earth populate..

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3)

Twitter Venn - This is a quick and simple one for analyzing trends. You enter multiple search terms and it shows how they measure up vs. each other. It also shows real time tweets including the search terms. A nice, clean, easy and visual way of measuring traffic.

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4)

Qwitter - One of my favorite ideas for an app, this one shoots you an email when somebody unfollows you. The kicker is that they include the last message of yours that they received in the email so you know what caused your follower to jump ship.
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5)

NearbyTweets - Just like the name says, this one shows you Tweeters in your neighborhood. Just enter your address, add a search term if you like, and you immediately see the latest Tweets from your area. A simple and elegant way of finding local Tweeters.

Bravo to all the creative and enterprising folks behind these sites.

That’s all for now. The next post will bring the Curmudgeon back. Stay tuned!

The other night I was browsing the Twitterverse via Tweetdeck when a friend of mine paid me a visit. Upon seeing my use of Twitter he commented, “You’re on Twitter!? That’s so lame!” When I asked him why, he said, “Because it’s lame.”

Beyond realizing that I may need to begin surrounding myself with more mature people, I was reminded of my initial resistance to Twitter. Hence, this curmudgeonly look at the evolution of a Twitterer.

Step 1) Bomb it - Forget fearing the unknown, just skip right to bashing it. I don’t understand Twitter, so it must be lame.

Step 2) Become indifferent - Stop hating it, but instead evolve to just simply not caring about it. Make sure this process of not caring is carried out vocally.

Step 3) Show a faint interest - Twitter, huh? I heard Seth Rogen is on there…

Step 4) Give in - Log on, make an account…go back into denial for a few days, then start following celebrities and friends.

Step 5) Make the leap - Send your first tweet. It will undoubtedly be made in the format of a Facebook status message or begin with the word ‘is.’ example: ‘is figuring this twitter thing out.’

Step 6) Make your first mistake - Send someone a personal message with an @ sign, not yet realizing that tweets with @ signs are still seen by everyone.

Step 7) Get excited - Earn your first RT. Gain an unsolicited follower. Block your first spammer. Pass the 50 follower threshold.

Step 8} Get comfortable - Get into information exchanges. RT worthy tweets. Get RT’ed on a regular basis. Master the lingo. Experiment with Twitter apps.

Step 9) Get picky - Start unfollowing the people who aren’t up to your standards. Stop reciprocating all follows. Write blog posts complaining about the Twitter habits of others.

Step 10) Get Snobby - Look down upon new users and those who make beginner mistakes. Be sure to roll your eyes at friends who learned of Twitter after you or, even worse, after @Oprah.

Step 11) Become an evangelist - Bend the ear of everyone in your social circle. Blather incessantly about the power of Twitter to connect people, share ideas and move communication forward.

Step 12) Embrace new technology - Abandon Twitter in favor of the latest tool to come down the pipeline.